NOTE: THIS IS NOT ORIGINAL. I DO NOT KNOW THE ORIGINAL SOURCE EITHER. SOMEONE SENT ME THIS FILE SEVERAL YEARS AGO, AND I STILL FIND IT AMUSING EACH TIME I READ IT. ENJOY IT:
Sir or Madam,
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization where it monitors all other system activity.
Applications such as PokerNight 10.3, Drunken Boys Night2.25 and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favorite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the “uninstall” does not work on this program.
Can you help me?
Dear Troubled User,
This is a very common problem men complain about, but it is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES AND ENTERTAINMENT program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system.
Look in your manual under "Warnings-Alimony/Child support".
I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. I suggest installing background application program C:\YESDEAR so as to alleviate software augmentation.
Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPF's). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGISE.
In any case, avoid excessive use of YES DEAR because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGISE command because the operating system will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPF's. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0. Do not, under any circumstances install Secretary with Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.