African Immigrant – Avec ou Sans Papiers By Abimbola Lagunju (Verses from Under the Sands)

I have just made the monthly pilgrimage

to the local Western Union office,

a little of my minimum wage,

wired untied aid to my distant village.

I, an engineer in a previous life,

a yesterday-depository of dreams,

now, an unwanted faceless number,

a perennial game of vote-hunting,

an election campaign topic: to be or not to be,

if to be, in what form lower than the present form?

My footprints once traceable in the light snow of doublespeak

fade on the rocks of real politik, when

election sun melts the icing of political correctness.

I am a wrong player, in the wrong team,

on a wrong pitch,

I stand to be flagged off the field by the right,

center or their far versions,

or kept offside by the left and liberal

in this game where I am

the only foul in the field.

But in truth, I am a victim of songs,

songs of griots, songs of praise, songs of barter

of my  beef for alien cauldrons,

in turn for green hides

to clothe decrepit ancient drums.

I stand on the stark border,

stranded on the line between bondage in freedom,

and the safety of desertion…

I pause for a moment,

then step into the darkness of freedom

Back at my place of work,

I look briefly at the foreman armed with a dangerous look;

A temporary replacement for

the good old whip safely locked away? in the closet of human rights.

Please massa…..!

I pick up my shovel and repeat history.

Our Senators must Wear Uniforms By Abimbola Lagunju

The members of Nigerian parliament have developed a penchant for wasting public funds on irrelevant things that do not add any quality to our lives. They waste our money, they waste our time and they play with our collective intelligence. We do not get any value for the money we spend on them. They have a short attention span on any matter. Different mundane things easily catch their attention while matters of national importance are quietly and deliberately kept off their radar.

They have now taken a fancy to uniforms. They like uniforms. They like Police, Army, Customs, immigration, Civil Defence uniforms. Uniforms! Our honourables and senators have turned uniforms to an issue of national importance. They want to see as many as possible in uniforms. They are not interested in the person, just the uniform he wears. The servile retinue of police aides in uniforms who waste our taxes guarding them from us, their employers has conditioned them to look down on service uniforms. They feel that they are superior to the wearer of any kind of uniform; after all, their police guards clean their shoes, carry their bags, escort their wives to the market and play the servants to their children. Appearing in anything but a uniform is considered an affront by these members of parliament. They send you out of their presence. They disgrace and humiliate you. Ask Hameed Ali. They were irked to see him in their parliament without his uniform. They wanted him to deck up like one of those police officers that carries their bags. He refused to oblige them. They walked him out. They hammered Hameed. They were not interested in hearing him on the performance of his charge or the reason why he dreamt up payment of  import duties on old and tired vehicles which his own men allowed into the country. They were not interested in Nigeria. They were interested in their ego. They invoked a redundant law to prove their point. Where on this God’s earth do parliamentarians waste taxpayers’ money on discussing in which clothes an employee of the State must appear before them? Hameed Ali did not come in his skin. He came in a decent and non-flamboyant outfit. But these senators wanted to see him in uniform by all means.

Their obsession with uniforms has limits however. They want others to wear uniforms, but not them. They dread the idea of changing their babarigas and agbadas for any kind of uniform. Just a couple of days ago, a tailor that sews uniforms for greedy politicians passed by their senate to ask them for confirmation of his appointment. He wanted them to confirm him as the official tailor for their future uniforms. They were horrified. They mugged Magu the Tailor. They did not hear him. They could not. They were deep in mental imagination of themselves in badly sewn short uniforms. They all know that Magu the Tailor already has their sizes. They also know that he has already purchased the cloth to sew their uniforms. They knew that if they confirmed his appointment, they would sooner or later be obliged to wear their short Made by Magu uniforms.  Individually, under their breaths, they muttered, “I reject it”…”this is not my portion”. Collectively they chased Magu, the EFCC chief tailor out of their presence like a demon. They exorcised him from their collective system.

And just down the road, in the House of Representatives (of themselves), the honourables are considering a bill to nominate their own tailor. They do not want to hear of Magu or any other tailor chosen by Mr. Buhari. They want one of their own to be their tailor. They want well-made agbadas and babarigas, not the kind of ill-fitting shirts and shorts built by Magu who learnt the trade from Ribadu. They believe they can pull it off. They know from history that Ibori built his own High Court in Asaba where Justice Marcel Awokulehin gave him favorable verdict for an unprecedented list of economic crimes. The honourables know that it is possible in Nigeria to eat your cake and have it. And they know that Nigerians will just take this intended coup against decency in their stride. After all we had Waziri and Adoke and nothing happened. We have had all sorts of nightmarish people in important places and nothing happened. We just wring our hands in the face of unimaginable crimes against us and our country.

But what is Mr Buhari going to do now about Magu the Tailor? Is he going to oblige the senators and find a more merciful and compliant tailor? Is he going to tell Magu to burn the block note of the sizes of the senators that he has diligently compiled? Will Mr. Buhari ask that the clothes that Magu bought to sew the uniforms be burnt? Mr Buhari should understand that none of these options is open to him. Magu does not know any other trade than to sew clothes for politicians with sticky fingers. See what happened to tailor Ribadu when he was sent out of his shop by Jonathan & Co. Ribadu lost his bearing. He is still reeling from the shock.  Ribadu, like Magu is a dedicated specialist tailor. Both cannot practice any other trade. Therefore, Mr. President Buhari, Mr. Magu cannot be sacked by those to whose wardrobes he wants to add more clothes. Magu has exposed more thieves of our commonwealth than the combined total number exposed since our independence. He has shamed them even if the courts are dragging their feet to send them to jail. Mr. Magu deserves a national honour and not a disgrace.

In the case of Hameed Ali, Mr. Buhari should let these senators understand that it is not the uniform that makes the brain. They should look elsewhere to massage their egos. Mr. Buhari needs to make it clear to the clients of Magu that if Hameed must wear a uniform to appear before them, they also will have to wear their own uniforms to appear before the people, Magu or not, and sooner than later.

Emotion is Hellenic- President Trump is the Proof By Abimbola Lagunju

In 1939, Leopold Sedar Senghor wrote in one of his essays that “Emotion is Negro, as reason is Hellenic” This phrase raised a lot of dust in Africa and pitched many African intellectuals against Senghor. It was probably the most controversial statement which Senghor made and for which he has not been forgiven by African intellectuals even after his death.  The statement was interpreted out of its context by non-blacks as meaning that black Africans were ruled by their emotions rather than by logic or reason. Some further claimed that Africans were incapable of engaging in logical reasoning or studying subjects that demanded such. Philosophers under different guises postulated that the Hellenic race appropriated logic and reasoning while blacks functioned on primitive mentality. Senghor further stated in his 1956 article on “Negro African Aesthetics” that “European reason is analytical…; Negro reason is intuitive…” In both Senghorian declarations there is no middle point. The statements give the impression that one attribute is exclusive of the other; you cannot be black and be guided by reason or be analytical. And you cannot be white and be guided by emotion or be intuitive.  Unfortunately for Senghor and fortunately for the black race, none of his pronouncements holds true. However, many from other cultures, particularly the West (now mimicked by Asians) continue to subscribe to these discredited pronouncements in their dealings with Africans. They see Africa’s problems through the prism of African emotionalism and absence of reason.  Paradoxically, those who exclusively ascribe emotionalism to Africans are guilty of same. And while they remain obsessed with inventing new euphemisms to disguise their divisive Social Darwinism, Africans have moved on.

A common disease of emotionalists is an exaggerated generalization of an occasional aberrant event or situation and a consequent warped judgment.  Africa has been at the receiving end of exaggerated generalization of occasional oddities by the Western media and International Aid Agencies, although for different motives. This sensational emotionalism by those supposedly ascribed reason by Senghor continues to put African and Africans in bad light in the world. The latter churn out impossible statistics of woe from a few cases while the former spins what the leader of the Western world calls fake news. We now understand that Western Media (now copied by Asian media too) need to portray Africa as the world’s barometer for measurement of poverty and woes for their citizens. They need a feel-good high. An emotional high.

The 44^th and 45^th American presidents are recent proofs that Senghor was very wrong. In the management of his administration, Barack Obama, a black man of direct African origin represented and demonstrated what Senghor would have qualified as Hellenic reasoning par excellence. His approach was measured and guided by facts and cold statistics. His speeches were measured and delivered with clarity and devoid of sensational emotionalism. On the other hand, Donald Trump, a pure-bred representative of the Hellenic race seems to function on emotions. Facts do not seem to matter. They are often seen as an inconvenient nuisance to his convictions and intentions. In his relationship with others that are different from him and his group, Mr. Trump tends to generalize deviant exceptions in the lives of the other and bases his judgments on these exceptions irrespective of contrary evidence. Hellenic emotionalism has made a triumphant arrival on the world’s highest political platform. This is a new development - a change from previous policy-making process based on coldly calculated faceless statistics (Obama) to a gut-feeling or eyes-rejecting or simple hate-based facts-deficient emotional policy of Trump.  Emotionalism is the new opium…it brought Trump to power and will ultimately put the far right in power in Europe too. Nigel Farage, the UK politician and former leader of the UK Independence Party sees this as "the beginning of a great global revolution". In other words, dangerous emotionalism may be the new ideology, the beginning of a permanent paradigmatic shift in governance and relationship between countries and between peoples. It is an ideology of mental, social and physical borders.

In the monochrome vision of Trump’s Hellenic emotionalism, many are discountenanced and discounted. And because the vision is monochrome, ultimately everyone that is not of their ideological orientation, alternative values, colour or religion will suffer. Those already under the burden of exclusion for different reasons will suffer more and new lists will be added as we are witnessing from the different executive orders from the White House.  We are probably witnessing the birth of a new world order.

This dispensation demands that potential victims, particularly Black Africans reorganize themselves to protect their citizens from abuse and dehumanization. It demands concerted brainstorming of all Black African intellectuals and not off-the-cuff comments of government officials on historical friendships to the press. The era of hand-wringing and victimhood has passed. New alliances based on mutual respect must be actively sought and old agreements with Hellenic emotionalists revisited. Black Africans must protect each other irrespective of colonial language and religious differences. African reason must prevail in this dispensation of dangerous Hellenic emotionalism.

I hope Jacob Zuma reads this.

At which point does a Nigerian’s brain go missing? By Abimbola Lagunju

The astonishing stories of corruption and the mind-boggling sums involved in Nigeria demand that one questions the mental health status of Nigerian officials and politicians. We, their victims also need our heads examined. These daily stories of men in suits and flowing agbadas and babanrigas caught with their hands deep in the till of our commonwealth have become a regular menu in our print and online media. Our newspapers and online media outlets now look like crime reports. These pen thieves come in all shades and colours and from all aspects of our national life– National Assembly, MDA, political parties, law-enforcement, military, judiciary, private sector, individual businesses and other sectors that we only hear of their existence when their own thieves are caught. These stories make Nigeria look like a huge den of thieves. And the foreign media are having a field day reporting daily that the most populous black nation on earth is a dysfunctional territory of rogues.

These VIP thieves share some common traits – they all have a fixation on stealing that overrides any sense of shame; their greed cannot be satiated and they are not capable of self-criticism. They seek to buy self-worth by throwing miserable crumbs around to the ecstasy of their gullible and demented circles. Fixation and inability to self-criticize are symptoms of a mental illness. Were these VIP thieves born with mental issues or they somehow acquire it in the course of their official duties? Is it the system that breeds and encourages this aberration or can the fault be traced to the individual?

It is easy to heap the blame on the system. It is anonymous. It belongs to everybody but to nobody, to borrow the words of the President. Its workings are beyond the understanding of the common man, but the crooks understand it. The common man believes in it, but our VIP thieves disregard it or exploit it.  It is this anonymity that makes it vulnerable to manipulation and pathological pilferage by those in positions of minutest authority.  But, thankfully, it is the same cannibalized system that unmasks these Judases when it acquires shape and form either as nemesis or karma.

There is no parent whose child will be caught stealing in a nursery or secondary school that will not punish that child. The parents will be ashamed, they will ask their child to apologize and in many cases they will even encourage the school authorities to further punish the child. They will do everything in their power to let the child know that stealing is an unacceptable social behaviour. Nobody wants their child to be called a thief. Every Nigerian child grows up with this rule in his mind. Stealing is an anathema to a Nigerian child and youth.

But somehow, as an adult, a Nigerian with opportunities within the anonymous system discards the value principles which he grew up with as a child as soon as he reaches a position of authority. His brain and all the functions of the brain take leave of him. He begins to function on the primitive reflex of wealth accumulation and aggressive authoritarian disposition. His empty head, now filled with the fluff of praises and hero-worship chants of sycophants that surround him transform him from a mere mortal to a god with the power of life and death over the system that put him in the position in the first place. As the alpha and the omega of his official jurisdiction, all allocations and generated revenues are seen as rightly his to disburse as he wishes. He steals and steals without giving any thoughts to millions of lives wasted by his greed. He donates public money to non-public events in his own name and expects loud appreciation and ovations. He travels abroad for the smallest of ailments. He loots and hides our commonwealth in the most ridiculous places. He is the embodiment of a curse on a nation, a foul-smelling stain on the flag of sovereignty and an antithesis of human decency.

But this brainless thief did not drop from space. He and his ilk are here everywhere among us. They are in politics, religious places, banks, aviation, military, civil service etc. They are everywhere. They are your schoolmates, classmates, uncles, aunts, brothers, sisters, cousins, pastors and friends. They are you. You are the victims as well as the perpetrators.

When the system that the brainless thief has betrayed fights him and exposes him, he mobilizes his victims to denounce the system. The victims invent all possible biases to force the exoneration of these thieves. Ethnic and religious biases as well political witch-hunting are the tools of trade engaged by the demented defenders of these thieves. To these victims, the fact that their principal stole is unimportant; the fact that the amount involved could have improved the quality of their lives is immaterial. What matters most to them is blind defence of their kin, clansman, friend or associate. They condone stealing by their adult son; something they taught him against in his childhood or youth. Just like their son, something also happens to their brains as soon as they reach adulthood.

In September 2011, the European College of Neuropsychopharmacology published the results of a Europe-wide study that said “38 percent of the European population suffers each year from a brain disorder……..Mental disorders have become Europe's largest health challenge of the 21st century." Here in Nigeria, we have the flagrant evidence of serious mental disorders, but not yet the study. The result of such a study is anybody’s guess, but it will be frightening. Apart from massive medication, a good outcome of such a study will be the publication of a book of “National Values for Nigerian Adults” or a simple book of “Don’ts for Nigerian Adults”.

We all need our heads examined for Nigeria to ever make any headway.